Fred's Funny pages

An extremely rich and famous German sports star was carving up the roads one afternoon in a brand new Porsche. Passing on the right, speeding everywhere, he takes a blind corner at speed and plows into the back of a Trabant, sending them both spiraling into a ditch. Both cars are demolished. The sports star hops out of the twisted wreckage of his Porsche, to see an elderly man climbing out of the Trabant with a jubilant smile on his face. The sports star asks the gentleman if he’s okay, if he’s in shock. The gentleman raises his arms and says “No! This is fantastic! Let’s celebrate! We’re both alive!” He opens what’s left of his Trabant’s door to see a box of Cuban cigars. “What a miracle! Such an impact, and my treasured cigars are okay! Let’s light them and celebrate our good luck!” So the sports star and the gentleman light up, and smoke their cigars. The gentleman looks back inside, and sees his vintage bottle of Scotch and two glasses, and pulls them out. “A toast to us! Such a horrific accident and we made it through without a scratch!” He pours two very tall glasses of Scotch, and hands one to the sports star. They clink their glasses, and the sports star downs his. He looks at the gentleman, standing there with a still-full glass. “Aren’t you having any?” he asks the gentleman. “Oh no, not until the police give you a breathalyzer.
 
A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car, costing about $250,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped, wearing an open face crash helmet (looking about 70 years old) pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?” The young man replies, “A 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. They cost about a quarter of a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do over 200 miles an hour!” states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, “Can I take a look inside?” “Sure,” replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”

Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 220 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!” the young man asks himself.

Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!

“Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! The moped plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says,

“You gotta tell me how you got that thing to be faster than my Ferrari !” The old man looks up and replies, “OK..., but first, unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror, will ya?”
 
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
 
My Dad owned 8 VW Beatles in a row buying his first in 56 and last in 73. With the first one and with all gas stations In those days having an attendant that would pump the gas for you and check the oil as well as clean your windshield, he had more than one gas jockey ask him to pop the hood (trunk) in front so he could check the oil. Their Jaw would drop when they opened the “hood” and there was no engine to be found ?
 
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