Fred's Funny pages
- Thread starter Ohtobbad
- Start date
TrueBlue02058
Post King
Funny thing about the Charger Comparison is that my Son's Father In Law Has one, (a 2012 SRT8 that is as fast, 1/4 mile in 12s, about the same as his 69 440 Coronet, but handles and brakes much better. He also owns a 2011 SRT8 Challenger.
you can make anything fast. But you can't give everything heart & soul.
TrueBlue02058
Post King
They put 707 HP into a Jeep Grand Cherokee and when you step on the Go Pedal, there is plenty of Heart and Soul and Regular Stops at the Gas Station 
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TrueBlue02058
Post King
Hee Haw !
Best Smart Ass Answer
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked. ‘
‘Yes or No' she replied.
SMART ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead…'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead.
Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?’
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,
or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!’
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand. ’
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, sure you can still breathe, you fool.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it You are an idiot!
6) You are laughing at yourself,
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
? You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot fool category.
"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.”
Send this to the Seniors in your life. I'm sure they'll appreciate it!
Even non-seniors will appreciate it!
Always laugh when you can - it's cheaper than medicine.
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked. ‘
‘Yes or No' she replied.
SMART ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead…'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead.
Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?’
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,
or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!’
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand. ’
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, sure you can still breathe, you fool.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it You are an idiot!
6) You are laughing at yourself,
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
? You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot fool category.
"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.”
Send this to the Seniors in your life. I'm sure they'll appreciate it!
Even non-seniors will appreciate it!
Always laugh when you can - it's cheaper than medicine.
TrueBlue02058
Post King
An Irish Story
About Gambling
Six retired Irishmen
were playing poker in
O’Leary’s apartment
when Paddy Murphy
loses $500 on a single
hand, clutches his
chest, and drops dead
at the table. Showing
respect for their fallen
brother, the others
continue playing
standing up.
Michael O’Connor
looks around and asks,
“Oh, me boys, some-
one got’s to tell Pad-
dy’s wife. Who will it
be?” They draw
straws. Paul Gallagher
picks the short one.
They tell him to be
discreet, be gentle,
don’t make a bad situ-
ation worse.
“Discreet??? I’m the
most discreet Irishman
you’ll ever meet. Dis-
cretion is me middle
name. Leave it to me.”
Gallagher goes over to
Murphy’s house and
knocks on the door.
Mrs. Murphy answers,
and asks what he
wants. Gallagher de-
clares, “Your husband
just lost $500, and is
afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop
dead!,” says Murphy’s
wife.
“I’ll go tell him.” says
Gallagher.
About Gambling
Six retired Irishmen
were playing poker in
O’Leary’s apartment
when Paddy Murphy
loses $500 on a single
hand, clutches his
chest, and drops dead
at the table. Showing
respect for their fallen
brother, the others
continue playing
standing up.
Michael O’Connor
looks around and asks,
“Oh, me boys, some-
one got’s to tell Pad-
dy’s wife. Who will it
be?” They draw
straws. Paul Gallagher
picks the short one.
They tell him to be
discreet, be gentle,
don’t make a bad situ-
ation worse.
“Discreet??? I’m the
most discreet Irishman
you’ll ever meet. Dis-
cretion is me middle
name. Leave it to me.”
Gallagher goes over to
Murphy’s house and
knocks on the door.
Mrs. Murphy answers,
and asks what he
wants. Gallagher de-
clares, “Your husband
just lost $500, and is
afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop
dead!,” says Murphy’s
wife.
“I’ll go tell him.” says
Gallagher.
helimech
Well-known member
In 1988 Enzo Ferrari, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a small Ferrari flag in the window.
"This house is yours for eternity, Enzo," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Enzo felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a huge mansion painted white with blue trim, a carbon fiber sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Shelby flag, and in every window, a Shelby logo sign of every imaginable type.
Enzo looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good manufacturer, my cars won LeMans and F1 championships. Why will Carroll Shelby get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said "Enzo, that's not Carroll's house, it's mine!"
"This house is yours for eternity, Enzo," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Enzo felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a huge mansion painted white with blue trim, a carbon fiber sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Shelby flag, and in every window, a Shelby logo sign of every imaginable type.
Enzo looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good manufacturer, my cars won LeMans and F1 championships. Why will Carroll Shelby get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said "Enzo, that's not Carroll's house, it's mine!"
TrueBlue02058
Post King
It is a Cute little car that would be practical in the Big City, not my Cup of Tea.