Fred's Funny pages
- Thread starter Ohtobbad
- Start date
AC Bill
Well-known member
One rainy spring night in Dublin, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.
Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the car and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
"Where to ?" he stammered.
"Vale Road," answered the woman. "OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?"
"Well Lady, said the cabby, I couldn't help notice that you were completely naked, and not carrying a purse or anything. I wondered how you planned on paying your cab fare?"
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabby asked, "Got anything smaller?"
Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the car and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
"Where to ?" he stammered.
"Vale Road," answered the woman. "OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?"
"Well Lady, said the cabby, I couldn't help notice that you were completely naked, and not carrying a purse or anything. I wondered how you planned on paying your cab fare?"
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?"
Still looking in the mirror, the cabby asked, "Got anything smaller?"
TrueBlue02058
Post King
Piss on it ! !
TrueBlue02058
Post King
The worse thing I have ever attempted to eat (notice I said attempted) , was Tofu Cheesecake , made by by wife 20 years ago when she was in a Tofu experimental faze, We both spit it out and threw out the rest. We haven't had Tofu in the House Since ! 
AC Bill
Well-known member
[h=2]Its NASCAR Radio.. Whoa oh..[/h]
Drivers passing info along to the pit crews is quite important to getting the car to handle correctly.
That, and other interesting comments heard over the team radios, are kind of funny if taken out of context. I listed a few I've heard.
"She's snug in front, and slick in back, and I really need to find the sweet spot"
"She's loose on entry, tight on exit"
"It's tight on the inside"
"She's blowing hard down the back straight"
"Carl tried the bottom and he made it!"
"He may have wobbled a bit, but he's back inside"
"I'm losing it in the rear"
"He's really stretching it out up at the front, and just needs to keep up the momentum"
"If we add more tape at the front, will it cut the wind better?"
"She starts off tight, but seems to get looser on the the longer runs"
"Oh My..He missed the pit.. he came in, but couldn't get in, and he's usually so great at getting on and off"
"I don't know what you just did..but I like it"
"He's been doing well at keeping it clean, and is starting to work his way back inside"
"When you got three wide going into one, it sure gets exciting"
That, and other interesting comments heard over the team radios, are kind of funny if taken out of context. I listed a few I've heard.
"She's snug in front, and slick in back, and I really need to find the sweet spot"
"She's loose on entry, tight on exit"
"It's tight on the inside"
"She's blowing hard down the back straight"
"Carl tried the bottom and he made it!"
"He may have wobbled a bit, but he's back inside"
"I'm losing it in the rear"
"He's really stretching it out up at the front, and just needs to keep up the momentum"
"If we add more tape at the front, will it cut the wind better?"
"She starts off tight, but seems to get looser on the the longer runs"
"Oh My..He missed the pit.. he came in, but couldn't get in, and he's usually so great at getting on and off"
"I don't know what you just did..but I like it"
"He's been doing well at keeping it clean, and is starting to work his way back inside"
"When you got three wide going into one, it sure gets exciting"
AC Bill
Well-known member
My wife turned to me in bed, half asleep last night. "are you awake," she croaked, eyes closed. "Can you hear the smoke alarm?"
"No dear, you're just tired," I replied, jumping out of the bedroom window.
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"No dear, you're just tired," I replied, jumping out of the bedroom window.
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AC Bill
Well-known member
This is an old one, not sure if anyone posted it here already, but if not ..
THE FARMER AND THE WIDOW
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket, and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a lady, who was looking for an address.
She asked, 'Mister can you please tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
The lady looked over what he had, and said,, 'Put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'What a great idea!' he said. He picked it all up, and proceeded to walk her towards the address.
On the way, he says, 'Want to take my short cut, and go down this back alley? We'll be there in no time.'
The lady smiled and said, ' How do I know that when we get in this back alley, you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer laughed and said, 'Holy Smokes lady! I'm carrying a big bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall, and do that?'
The lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the can of paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
THE FARMER AND THE WIDOW
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket, and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a lady, who was looking for an address.
She asked, 'Mister can you please tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
The lady looked over what he had, and said,, 'Put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'What a great idea!' he said. He picked it all up, and proceeded to walk her towards the address.
On the way, he says, 'Want to take my short cut, and go down this back alley? We'll be there in no time.'
The lady smiled and said, ' How do I know that when we get in this back alley, you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer laughed and said, 'Holy Smokes lady! I'm carrying a big bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall, and do that?'
The lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the can of paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
TrueBlue02058
Post King
Poor Fellow !
TrueBlue02058
Post King
Pic has disappeared from 2 days ago ?