Fred's Funny pages
- Thread starter Ohtobbad
- Start date
TrueBlue02058
Post King
Newfie Road Work
A road crew supervisor in Saskatchewan hired Herb from
Newfoundland, to paint the yellow line down the middle of
route 32 heading up toward Prince Albert. He was skeptical
about hiring him since he didn't have any painting background,
but he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really
needed the job. At least his wife Lorrie-Jane, told him so.
He explained to Herb, that his work day would be to complete
2 miles of centerline on the road. He was set up with brushes
and paint and his boss got him started.
After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd
painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two
expected of him. He told Herb, that he did an excellent job,
and said how pleased he was with his progress.
On the second day, Herb completed painting just the 2 miles
of road that was asked of him. His supervisor was surprised,
because on the first day, he had completed twice as much work.
But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount t
hat the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to
look forward to the next day when he was sure that Herb would
pick up the pace again.
On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his
8 hour shift, Herb completed painting only 1 mile of road. Herb
was called to the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem.
"On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second
day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to
complete 1 mile of road. What's the problem, Herb?"
"Well," Herb replied, "I'll tell you watt is da problem dare boy, but
I taught a smart man like you would figger it out fer yourself.
Every day I got farder and farder away from da paint can."
A road crew supervisor in Saskatchewan hired Herb from
Newfoundland, to paint the yellow line down the middle of
route 32 heading up toward Prince Albert. He was skeptical
about hiring him since he didn't have any painting background,
but he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really
needed the job. At least his wife Lorrie-Jane, told him so.
He explained to Herb, that his work day would be to complete
2 miles of centerline on the road. He was set up with brushes
and paint and his boss got him started.
After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd
painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two
expected of him. He told Herb, that he did an excellent job,
and said how pleased he was with his progress.
On the second day, Herb completed painting just the 2 miles
of road that was asked of him. His supervisor was surprised,
because on the first day, he had completed twice as much work.
But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount t
hat the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to
look forward to the next day when he was sure that Herb would
pick up the pace again.
On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his
8 hour shift, Herb completed painting only 1 mile of road. Herb
was called to the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem.
"On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second
day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to
complete 1 mile of road. What's the problem, Herb?"
"Well," Herb replied, "I'll tell you watt is da problem dare boy, but
I taught a smart man like you would figger it out fer yourself.
Every day I got farder and farder away from da paint can."
TrueBlue02058
Post King
1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
2. My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25 and her name is Heather.
3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
6. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
7. If you get an email entitled, "Nude Photo of Kathleen Wynne," don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Kathleen Wynne.
3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
TrueBlue02058
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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance, Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Jim that she suffered from a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old girl.
"1, too, have a problem, replies Jim. My penis is the same size as an infant, and I hope you could deal with that once we are married".
She answered, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis".
Sandy and Jim got married, and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their Hotel suite, and they started touch-teasing, holding one another.
As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room !
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She exclaimed, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant" !"
"Yes, it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, nineteen inches long !" :rofl
She informed Jim that she suffered from a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old girl.
"1, too, have a problem, replies Jim. My penis is the same size as an infant, and I hope you could deal with that once we are married".
She answered, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis".
Sandy and Jim got married, and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their Hotel suite, and they started touch-teasing, holding one another.
As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room !
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She exclaimed, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant" !"
"Yes, it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, nineteen inches long !" :rofl
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TrueBlue02058
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Rich06
Navigator
TrueBlue02058
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AC Bill
Well-known member
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party.
Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.