Fred's Funny pages

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Defining Harassment.:

Finally - A cop who tells the truth!!

Recently, the Tampa Police Department ran an e-mail forum with the local community (a question and answer exchange) with the topic being, "Community Policing." One of the civilian e-mail participants posed the following question:

"I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people, and get away with it?"

From the "other side" (the law enforcement side), Sgt. Bennett, obviously a cop with a sense of humor, replied:

"First of all, let me tell you this ... it's not easy. In Tampa, we average one cop for every 600 people.

Only about 60% of those cops are on general duty (or what you might refer to as "patrol") where we do most of our harassing. The rest are in non-harassing departments which do not allow them contact with the day-to- day innocents.

At any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60% patrollers are on duty, and available for harassing people, while the rest are off-duty.

So, roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 5,000 residents. When you toss in the commercial businesses, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 10,000 or more people a day.

Now, your average ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds long. This gives a cop one second to harass a person and then only three-fourths of a second to eat a donut before finding a new person to harass.

This is not an easy task. To be honest, most cops are not up to this challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring.

What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we can realistically harass. The tools available to us are as follows:



PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase used often. This means we'll come out and give somebody some special harassment.. Another popular one: "There's a guy breaking into a house." The harassment team is then put into action.



CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no registration or no driver's license and the like. It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, they are drunk or have an outstanding warrant..



RUNNERS: Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a cat on the scent of a mouse. When you catch them you can harass them for hours, to determine why they didn't want to talk to us.



LAWS: When we don't have PHONES or CARS or RUNNERS, and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks They are called "Laws"; Criminal Codes, Motor Vehicle Laws, etc ...They spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people.



After you read the laws, you can just drive around for awhile until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy trying to steal a car. Well, there's this book we have that says that's not allowed. That meant I was allowed to harass this guy. It's a really cool system that we've set up, and it works pretty well.

We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass and we get away with it. Why? For the good of the Tampa citizens who pay the bill. We try to keep the streets safe for them and they pay us to "harass" some people.
Hopefully sir, this has clarified to you a little bit better, how we harass the good citizens of Tampa
 
A teacher asked the children in her 3rd year class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny answered first. "I want to start out as an S.A.S. Officer, go to the Middle East and kill loads of militant Muslims, return as a national hero, then become a billionaire, go to the most
Expensive clubs, find me the finest nymphomaniac tart, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this unfortunate response from little Johnny, decided not to acknowledge what he said and simply tried to continue with the lesson.

"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I want to be Johnny’s tart!"
 
The 80 year old was always amazed at his friend's stamina ,and finally asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day, as it helps keeps your energy level high".
"It also gives you great stamina with the ladies", he said with a wink.

On the way home the 80 year old stops off at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked, "Do you need any help?".

He asks her "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "We have a whole shelf of it, as it's very popular with the seniors in the neighborhood. Would you like some?"

Thinking more is better, he said, "I would like 5 loaves please"

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves?... You do know by the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll already be hard!"

Amazed, he replied, "Really!...I can't believe everybody knows about this $hit, but me."
 
Here’s another example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations:





I just read of a professional, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show you, one minor mistake can ruin your life. The article says he really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.

:rofl


        
 
I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.



Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Molsens Canadian on tap. On one wall, there was a row of

decanters with Crown Royal and crystal glasses. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest

cigars and chocolates.



When the priest came in, I said to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been

to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

He replied, "You moron, you're on my side. :rofl
 
A couple was about to celebrate 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful and wealthy,

agreed to a Sunday dinner in honor of their parents. As usual, they were all late and had varied excuses.



“Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one. “Sorry, I’m running late… I just didn’t have

the time to get you a present.”

“No worry,” said Dad. “The important thing is that we’re all together.”



Son number two arrived and announced, “Just flew in from L.A. and didn’t have time to get you

anything… I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing,” said the father, “just glad you could be here today.”



The daughter arrived. “Happy anniversary! I’m sorry, but I’ve been out of town and didn’t bring a present.”

Again the father said, “I really don’t care, at least the five of us are together today.”



Later, during dinner, the father put down his fork, looked up and said, “Listen, you three, there’s

something your mother and I need to tell you. We came to this country penniless and desperate. Despite

this, we were able to raise you and send you to college. But we never got around to getting married.”



The three kids gasped and said, in unison, “You mean we’re BASTARDS?”

“Yep,” said the dad. “And cheap ones, too!
 
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