Fred's Funny pages

pei_guy

Moderator
Staff member
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a bar.
Mike looks at his friend Pat and says “Let’s go in there for a quick drink.”
Pat replies with, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.”
“Sure they will, just follow my lead.”
Mike walks up to the bar, and sure enough the doorman tell hims, “I'm sorry but I can’t let you in here with your dog.”
Mike replies, “But I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The doorman says, “Okay well in that case, come on in.”
Pat sees this and decides to do the same thing. He walks up to the front door, but the doorman says, “Sorry sir, you can’t come in here with a dog.”
Pat replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The doorman responds, “I don't think so buddy. You mean to tell me you have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?”
Pat stops for a second looking confused, and says, “They gave me a chihuahua?”😂
 

pei_guy

Moderator
Staff member
A gentleman had never been a very successful hunter. Though he enjoyed the challenge and the outdoors he wordered why success in the arena had eluded him. He decide he needed expert advice so he consulted a local dog breeder for his insights.

The local breeder explained that what he needed was the right dog. Not just any dog but one with the right characteristics for hunting.

The breeder brought out a fine looking dog and he explained in detail what he needed to look for.

First of all you have to check the eyes. Good green eyes are the best.

Then he showed the gentleman the dogs ears. Very clean and trimmed.

The webbing in the paws was perfect and not to loose.

His teeth were clean and white but not too sharp as to puncture the bird when he was retrieved.

The dog had good thick fur … but the breeder advised that the most important aspect of the dog that he needed to inspect was his asshole.

Obviously the gentleman making the inquiry was taken back and somewhat surprised by the importance of the asshole and ask “His Asshole?”

The breeder then laughed and said let me show you. He lifted the tail and right above the dogs tight balls was a very loose asshole. The breeder stated “Now you see this here? This dogs asshole is way too loose. He’ll hop in that there lake and in no time fill up with water a sink like a rock. You’ll never see him again. Now this here dog,” as the breeder picks up another dogs tail, “He’ll hop in that lake and swim all day long. Nary a drop in him.”

The gentleman was impressed with what he had learned and the next day went to a kennel and told the owner “I’d like to see the best damn dog you got.” The owner reply’s “Why yes sir!” And brings out the a fine looking animal. “This is best dog we have in stock.”

The gentleman response “Well I need I need to check this dog out.” And proceeds to fully inspect the dog.

He checks:

The eyes
The ears
The webbing in the paws
The teeth

And really makes a impression on the owner who states: “My you really seem know your dogs sir. I’m impressed.”

The gentleman says “yep been an expert a long time, long time… hold on minute I forgot to check his Asshole.”

The own looks at him in surprise and say “His what?”

The gentleman state “His Asshole” and immediately picks up the dogs tail sticks his nose down there to find a Hugh loose asshole starring him in the face.

He comes back up shacking his head claiming the “naw, Naw the dog’s asshole is too loose.”

The owner replies “Oh sir that’s no problem.” And he reaches down tand grabs that dogs balls and yanks em back hard. That dog yelps and that asshole tightens right up.

The owner calmly looks at the gentleman and explains, “I had him set for a quail!”
 
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