Fred's Funny pages
- Thread starter Ohtobbad
- Start date
TrueBlue02058
Post King
KBStang
Well-known member
I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister in law was twenty two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said,
“We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”.
And the moral of this story is......
Always keep your condoms in your car....
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister in law was twenty two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said,
“We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”.
And the moral of this story is......
Always keep your condoms in your car....
TrueBlue02058
Post King
TrueBlue02058
Post King
TrueBlue02058
Post King
So, Wee Andy says to his mate,
"I'm going to become a lion tamer."
His mate says,
"That's mad, you don't know anything about lion taming."
Andy replies,
"Yes I do, I've watched it on the tv many times!"
"Well," his mate says,
"OK, answer me this, when one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what will you do?"
Andy says,
"I'll take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Ah, says his mate, "What if the lion hooks the chair with those big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? Then what?"
"I'll take the whip and whip him until he backs down."
"Ah, but what if the lion bites the whip in two? What will you do then?"
"I'll take that gun they carry, and shoot him."
"Well, what if the gun doesn't work, then what?"
"I'll pick up some of the sh*t that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."
"Ah, but what if there isn't any sh*t in the bottom of the cage? What will you do then?"
Listen, says Andy.
"If that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, bites the whip in two, and my gun doesn't work, I can assure you, there's going to be plenty of sh*t on the bottom of that cage.
"I'm going to become a lion tamer."
His mate says,
"That's mad, you don't know anything about lion taming."
Andy replies,
"Yes I do, I've watched it on the tv many times!"
"Well," his mate says,
"OK, answer me this, when one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what will you do?"
Andy says,
"I'll take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Ah, says his mate, "What if the lion hooks the chair with those big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? Then what?"
"I'll take the whip and whip him until he backs down."
"Ah, but what if the lion bites the whip in two? What will you do then?"
"I'll take that gun they carry, and shoot him."
"Well, what if the gun doesn't work, then what?"
"I'll pick up some of the sh*t that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."
"Ah, but what if there isn't any sh*t in the bottom of the cage? What will you do then?"
Listen, says Andy.
"If that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, bites the whip in two, and my gun doesn't work, I can assure you, there's going to be plenty of sh*t on the bottom of that cage.
TrueBlue02058
Post King
why you don't buy memory foam or a Parrott.