Fred's Funny pages
- Thread starter Ohtobbad
- Start date
Rich06
Navigator
A husband and wife were having dinner at an expensive restaurant in Victoria Island when a stunning young woman comes over to their table. Without blinking an eye, the woman gives the husband a kiss on the lips and says, “See you later.”
The wife stares at her blushing husband and at the woman walking away. Then she asks, "What was that? Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband with a glitter in his eyes, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's it," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!"
“Alright then," replies her husband. "But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in the Swiss Alps, no more summers in New York City, no more Bentley and Rolls Royce in the garage and no more private jet for quick getaways. But the decision is yours."
They stay quiet for a while. Later, a neighbor of theirs enters the restaurant with a gorgeous girl in his arm.
"Who's that woman with Sanusi?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
The woman pauses for a moment and then says, "Ours is prettier.”
The wife stares at her blushing husband and at the woman walking away. Then she asks, "What was that? Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband with a glitter in his eyes, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's it," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!"
“Alright then," replies her husband. "But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in the Swiss Alps, no more summers in New York City, no more Bentley and Rolls Royce in the garage and no more private jet for quick getaways. But the decision is yours."
They stay quiet for a while. Later, a neighbor of theirs enters the restaurant with a gorgeous girl in his arm.
"Who's that woman with Sanusi?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
The woman pauses for a moment and then says, "Ours is prettier.”
Rich06
Navigator
The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner
Here's a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 F degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 F degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off almost immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
There was no way that old man Ford was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
Here's a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 F degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 F degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off almost immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
There was no way that old man Ford was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
Rich06
Navigator
A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers."
He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pit bull.
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and I’ll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pit bull.
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and I’ll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
AC Bill
Well-known member
Married Life
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
So I said, “How about the kitchen?”
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Arguing with the wife.. is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up, and go “I Agree'
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I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening, admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”
She answered, “I do.”
She's my ex-wife now...
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Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart.... I’ve been married for years..
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
So I said, “How about the kitchen?”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arguing with the wife.. is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up, and go “I Agree'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening, admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”
She answered, “I do.”
She's my ex-wife now...
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Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart.... I’ve been married for years..
AC Bill
Well-known member
NORTH KOREA TO SEND MAN TO THE SUN BY 2028!
Kim Jong-un announced that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
Reporter - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on it?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night".
The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause!
Justin Trudeau heard what Kim had said and sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night !"
And his people responded with thunderous applause!
Kim Jong-un announced that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
Reporter - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on it?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night".
The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause!
Justin Trudeau heard what Kim had said and sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night !"
And his people responded with thunderous applause!
I was given this cool Shelby GT350 coffee mug from Ford.
I love it, but found I was drinking my coffee way to fast
Friend made a suggestion to buy a chevy coffee mug, I balked at idea, but need something slower
So I got one, worked great coffee was slow, But then I had to take it back ( Recalled)
I love it, but found I was drinking my coffee way to fast
Friend made a suggestion to buy a chevy coffee mug, I balked at idea, but need something slower
So I got one, worked great coffee was slow, But then I had to take it back ( Recalled)
TrueBlue02058
Post King
Lot of Truth in this Statement.
TrueBlue02058
Post King
And You thought Santa Rode in a Sleigh puled by Reindeer.
