Fred's Funny pages
- Thread starter Ohtobbad
- Start date
Mineral Grey
Well-known member
TrueBlue02058
Post King
AC Bill
Well-known member
My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow..
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow..
AC Bill
Well-known member
Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office:
When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Knicker Stitcher, i sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs."
The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied. "Diesel Fitter."
Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious.
He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained....
"Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour."
"What skill?" Yelled Paddy.
'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says:
"Yep, diesel fitter.
When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Knicker Stitcher, i sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs."
The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied. "Diesel Fitter."
Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious.
He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained....
"Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour."
"What skill?" Yelled Paddy.
'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says:
"Yep, diesel fitter.
AC Bill
Well-known member
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts:
Dr. Smith advised her. "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'"
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked. She grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said. "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and said. "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?"
"Why, yes I am. How did you know?"
He leaned closer, winked and whispered......
"Hickory dickory dock..."
Dr. Smith advised her. "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'"
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked. She grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said. "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and said. "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?"
"Why, yes I am. How did you know?"
He leaned closer, winked and whispered......
"Hickory dickory dock..."
AC Bill
Well-known member
The inventor Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your Motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of women? "God said, "Ah, yes. " "Well, " said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention." God was somewhat taken back, and when He asked what the flaws might be, Arthur Davidson produced a list for Him to read.
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there and it may be true that My invention is flawed... " God said to Arthur. "But the last time that I checked, more men are riding My invention than yours."
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust and finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous.
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there and it may be true that My invention is flawed... " God said to Arthur. "But the last time that I checked, more men are riding My invention than yours."
