Fred's Funny pages

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Walmart installed a medical kiosk, for $10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.

He mixed tap water with dog poo, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture.

When he put the sample into the machine the next day, the printout read: "1. Your tap water is too hard. Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins. Not yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself, your fucking elbow won't get better!

"Thank you for shopping at Walmart"
 
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

"Excuse me, I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes ?"

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, "Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be ?"

I have no idea, but every time i talk to a beautiful woman , she seems to appear out of nowhere."
 
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